NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS PLAN

Our policy is to ignore things that we don’t want to deal with. Now that's your policy too! Why would you ever want to return it? We never said it would work and it’s awesome. If you want to return it, there’s some hole in you that nothing else will fill. Here’s a free piece of advice: Suck it up!

The moment your credit card is processed, you’ll feel better. Our plans go into effect immediately, using psychology. Screensavers are ready for download immediately, stickers go in the mail as soon as we get around to it. If you’ve ordered something tangible, like a wooden phone, we’ll take your phone to the post office as soon as our woodworkers are done making it. Keep your wig on. It’ll get there. But you can tell your Hermette Service is activated by the instantaneous, giddy, liberated feeling that floods your grateful bod. That’s yours to keep forever.