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Our Phones

Get the latest phone from Hermette Wireless - a phone-shaped hunk of wood that gets zero reception no matter where you are.

 

Our phones are handmade of solid reclaimed wood. Each one is different and none of them work.

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Your phone does not get Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Parler. You won’t get texts, calls or emails. No meditation apps. No productivity apps. No apps at all. No podcasts. No maps. No games. No camera. Nothing.

 

Perfect for curmudgeonly seniors. Tweens love it too!

 

Simple to use. You just carry it around and stroke it to calm yourself down.

 

Stop doom scrolling! Start soothing yourself with the hardwood quality that comes from Hermette.

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As seen in The American Bystander and Edible Manhattan.

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OPENING HOURS

We never answer the phone or the door and we certainly don't check email or even snail mail. Now we can help you enjoy that same luxurious lifestyle!

 

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CONTACT INFORMATION

Go away.   |    www.hermettewirless.com

 

Are you a woodworker who’d like to sell custom wooden phones with Hermette Wireless? Of course you are! Get in touch! 

 

Want to learn more about the Hermette lifestyle? Try to email us!

You'll probably never hear from us again! 

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© 2020 by Hermette Productions LLC

Photo Credits: Andrea Piacquadio, Vera Arsic, Anna Shvets, Any Lane, Ono Kosuki, Rachel Claire, Tim Samuel, Michael McDonough.

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