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Our Phones

Get the latest phone from Hermette Wireless - a phone-shaped hunk of wood that gets zero reception no matter where you are.


Our phones are handmade of solid reclaimed wood. Each one is different and none of them work.

Your phone does not get Twitter, Facebook, Instagram or Parler. You won’t get texts, calls or emails. No meditation apps. No productivity apps. No apps at all. No podcasts. No maps. No games. No camera. Nothing.


Perfect for curmudgeonly seniors. Tweens love it too!


Simple to use. You just carry it around and stroke it to calm yourself down.


Stop doom scrolling! Start soothing yourself with the hardwood quality that comes from Hermette.

As seen in The American Bystander and Edible Manhattan.

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